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maybe I should get married first

maybe I should get married first

Tue, 05/19/2009 - 00:02 by Aido in response to palpable discomfort

My mom is the youngest of all her siblings, and I think I'm the last of my cousins on her side who has procreated.

And then we visited relatives this weekend with my aunts.

And then everyone was talking about grandkids.

And then came the accusatory eyes.

 

I'm going to have to convince my brother to get a girlfriend and have kids or something.

Comments

Know this feeling all too well

Comment by Mike (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 08:16

Well this is a feeling I know all too well...

I don't think that my sister (My only sibling) announced a few years back that she has 0 intentions of marrying or producing offspring. (I'm personally glad about this... They'd make the anti-christ pale in terror)

Any ways with that in mind I'm now the focus of all of my mothers grand parental instincts. All hopes rest on me. So on my familys side of things I'm the last hope.

On my fiance's side of things I might as well be Satan. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman who thanks to a few factors I am the subject of their hatred ^^; (That and the only person I may have had a chance to get along with; her mother. Passed away when we were still just friends) So it makes the whole pro-creation thing rather awkward.

What I want to know is when does it change from "OMFG NO! Teen pregnancy!" To "Give me babies... NOW!" I think as soon as you hit 20/21 you suddenly awaken something in your parents... Possibly the factor that they've been alive for 20 odd years and that they're that much close to death...

What I think makes the relavent convosation more awkward was that my mum had it with me in the middle of what is the british Wallmart... Not only do I get the evil eyes but I get it in public surrounded by loud kids... There's a reminder why I'm waiting a few years.

Oh, Moms...

Comment by Jyoshiki (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 08:43

Hahahaha, man, my mom is the same way. Every time we walk by the babies section in a store, she stops, looks at all the clothes, gives a wistful sigh and says, "Ohhh....I can't wait."

I used to ask her what she was waiting for, but after a few times I realized the answer was always going to be "grandkids".

And let's not even get started on how she wishes I should have a boyfriend and be married in the next three years. =P

What frightens me even more is that I have a 95% chance of becoming exactly like this woman when I get older. I seriously pray for any offspring that I might produce.

Pfft, babies.

Comment by Sophie (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 08:51

Personally, I'm a big fan of the Ramona-esque glowing head effect. If anyone could do that in real life, it would be a mom.

Anyway, your comics are your babies...right? Are we allowed to say that un-ironically?

Oh good I am not the only one.

Comment by Strange Kitsune (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 09:51

My mother gives me the same look when she sees small children. She has gotten to the point that when I am over she will stare me down and tell me she wants a grand child. I am thinking about getting her a cat or some kind of drug...either one might work now that I think about it. Anyways love this comic ^^

Yeah its kinda like that for me too

Comment by Christopher (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 11:01

Except with me, I'm number three of four, with my eldest brother and and his wife trying to no avail and my 2nd eldest brother being gay, apparently I"m up to bat. -_-;;; I can't bring any female friends over to my parent's house for a bbq or any sort of function like that without having them think that she's "the one". Quite humorous when said friend has her husband and child following right behind and I get those eyes that Yuko's mom gives her.

At least I share that stare and its not all focused on me, my baby sister is 22 now, and she gets those looks just the same. She'll procreate, for sure. :P

What's best is when you're

Comment by Spizzy (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 13:30

What's best is when you're the oldest kid on BOTH sides of the family, and female. And not even 21. AND THEY STILL WANT THEM. The only cousins I have on my dad's side is a step cousin that's my age, and a 3 year old, and then on my mom's side, who knows how many, but they're all really young. I have no doubt that my mom side cousins will procreate into oblivion much like my aunt and uncles are still doing. Of course since we don't associate with them, that will make the babies moot for my mom, who is the one that wants grandchildren. Me and my siblings don't want kids so that leaves my dad with that legacy complex and the fact he's too old to be having kids that will maybe want to procreate (dad, you're 50, tough luck).

And then since my younger brother is the definition of anti-social disorder and so far a useless being in society (I say this with love), it isn't good enough that he'll no doubt eventually have kids. So the only person that is good enough to have kids is me, and I DO NOT WANT KIDS EVER. I have too many logical reasons for this for my parents to accept:
-there is cancer on my mom's side and reflux problems on my dad's, I would like that to just die off and not spread
-I hate children (I think)
-I don't do the poo changing
-my boyfriend wants kids even less than I do
-I like having money and time
-I like to be alone. I don't even like my b/f around that much, how would I deal with a kid?
-I think taking care of a dog is too much trouble, and they would actually appreciate me
-it would make the fact that me and my b/f are not married socially awkward, because for some reason people think marriage means something and you can't have kids unless you are (which neither of us believe)
-fuck pregnancy
-the world is overpopulated as it is, if I want a child I will adopt one (takes care of the pregnancy and poo problems too)

What's most awkward though is when your mom who doesn't have a uterus but still retains an ovary seriously asks you to carry her and her husband's child WHILE YOU'RE STILL A VIRGIN. REPEATEDLY.

What's most awkward though

Comment by conrad Wed, 05/20/2009 - 13:57
What's most awkward though is when your mom who doesn't have a uterus but still retains an ovary seriously asks you to carry her and her husband's child WHILE YOU'RE STILL A VIRGIN. REPEATEDLY.

That's, uh, probably the most awkward thing I've ever heard ever

Seconding Conrad's sentiment

Comment by Nate (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 17:07

That's just beyond awkward. This sort of thing deserves its own work to denote exactly how awkward that is.

at the very least, she

Comment by Spizzy (not verified) Thu, 05/21/2009 - 03:24

at the very least, she finally stopped asking. Now she just threatens that my hatred of procreating will result in me having 3+ children. She doesn't seem to understand the concept that you don't have to keep your kids. She always tells me "well you can just give it to me! You need to keep it in the family!" and it's just like..mom...I never lived with you for a reason, I ain't giving you another kid. @_@ my mom is so.... ... weird? Nothing else really encompasses the way my mom is other than just plain weird. And crazy.

Johnny Wander readers are

Comment by Caerah (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 14:19

Johnny Wander readers are apparently all in their 20s. XD

I just got married, I'm 20 he's 21, and both my and his parents aren't comfortable with the concept of us sleeping in the same general area, let alone, um, babymaking. And yet my mother is stocking up on children's toys, books, games, etc. "For the grandchildren," she says, with those oh so painful pointed looks. His mother will talk on and on about the young kids in their family, and laughingly recalling things he's said about never having children, as if it's some sort of joke. To make matters worse, my boss is in on it. If I ever complain about not feeling well, she immediately assumes I must be pregnant, then badgers me for "the news" for a few days after.

Oh man. You know, it's funny, they ALL know I have "female issues" and probably won't be able to even get pregnant. Family. Geez.

Nope

Comment by Another Bob (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 17:42

"Johnny Wander readers are apparently all in their 20s. XD"

40 here and my daughter is approaching her first birthday in a few weeks. My advice: Take your time folks and have your children in your early 30's while you still have energy. :P

I'm 18 LOL

Comment by Kirimon (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 20:12

I'm 18 LOL

well, 101 support posts and

Comment by Eddie (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 16:52

well, 101 support posts and 3 pages full of ppl in the same situation, i hope Yuko feels a bit better hehhe.

Only when you say so!

Comment by HollyWoodCarCrash (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 18:21

I'm 22 and I already have a kid. She's 14 months. And a joy to have in my life. Now, kids aren't for everyone but they are worth having. But only when you're ready. No one can or should guilt you into having kids, even your parents. Now you and Yuko aren't even married and are probably not even considering it right now.
And you are just enjoying your life.
You're both young and when you have kids, life as you have known it to be will be over for good. When you have kids that's it, your life doesn't belong to you, it belongs to them.
Your mother shouldn't push you into having kids, because if you're not ready you wont make a very good parent. You'll just stress all the time and that child is going to feel that stress regardless if you show it or not. They're very perceptive to your feelings and moods when they're young. You don't want your first child growing up that way.

Every mother is going to have baby envy, especially when you're their only kid (You are an only child, right Yuko?), and their bothers and sisters have grand kids. They feel an empty space. And you don't have to fill that void.
It's your choice, don't let other people make it for you. Even if they give you those eyes that immolate your very soul...*shudders*
Good Luck, they never give up and it only gets worse as YOU age. XD lol
(note: I was ready for my daughter and I'm happily married. I look at it this way, my kid will be outta the nest when I'm 40 instead of 60 like with my poor mother whom when I introduce her is mistaken for my grandmother almost everytime...)

I...guess I should be glad

Comment by Kittymaverick (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 18:34

I...guess I should be glad that my mom doesn't really fancy children? (That and I'm only 19, bf-less since kindergarten...and my parents can continue to spoil our dog for the next few years...) And despite having a humongous extended family, I don't think they really care about it, from me, at least, being kinda on the young side of my generation...

...Should I consider myself lucky for now and fear the pending future? Or should I start panicking, right now? D:

Thankfully, my Mom respects

Comment by Spicy (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 21:15

Thankfully, my Mom respects my desire to adopt. And only that when I'm ready.

Of course, being a lesbian means she ain't gettin' anything but adopted kids.

I LIVE ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE

Comment by LATE (not verified) Wed, 05/20/2009 - 21:57

i'm guessing that this kind of thing only can happen on america (and maybe europe), if you come to south america is pretty much an inverse story with mothers, as much of a stereotype that might sound it's true.

My mother spent years giving

Comment by Snark (not verified) Thu, 05/21/2009 - 09:36

My mother spent years giving me (and whichever girlfriend I had at the time) the accusatory eyes. So eventually I just got fixed. She told me I was being selfish. I told her it was the only responsible decision I was making in the 90's.

Of course, little did I know that I already had a child from when I was 19 that would eventually find me on facebook.

I love that your mom called

Comment by Spizzy (not verified) Thu, 05/21/2009 - 20:33

I love that your mom called you selfish for getting fixed, when it's selfish of moms and family to expect grandkids just so they get the good times with them, undo everything you teach them, spoil them, and then had them back and get mad at you when you do something that they don't approve of, like as if it's THEIR kid.

Oh dear god.

Comment by Alice (not verified) Thu, 05/21/2009 - 18:49

I'm the oldest.
But Currently I'm underage, and apparently un-touchable in the male population of my school. xD
I'm just too awesome for them. c8
But I'll problably get the 'eyes' from my mom in five years, and the 'oh hell naw' eyes from my dad during the same time.
D:
My dad wants me to be three forever.
Hopefully my dad will win.
I'm not a baby person.

And then Ananth felt the gaze

Comment by Nare (not verified) Mon, 05/25/2009 - 00:53

They got home and Ananth felt a stare he remembers from a certain plane trip.

Its a pattern ><'

Comment by Ely (not verified) Mon, 05/25/2009 - 04:00

im 23 my sis is 26 all i will say is this, apparently when "moms" reach the grandkids age <45- +> its hell...Apparently im suppose to have been married and raising my first child according to my mother >>'

Babies...oh god, not again!

Comment by Kristen (not verified) Thu, 06/04/2009 - 10:28

Ok I'm only 19 years old and my mother is concerned about the fact that I have no interest in dating, getting married, or having children. It's an ongoing subject that comes up almost every time I see her. She insists that I have babies so I can carry on the line. Not now of course but in the future. All I can think is I would be a horrible parent and that i don't have the patience for children.

Oy Vey!

Comment by Melony C. (not verified) Mon, 12/28/2009 - 02:59

I get this question ALOT especially after I turned 30. I've had 2 bouts of cervical cancer, so I can no longer carry babies. I've decided to adopt if I ever am married. In the meantime I tell people Cancer took my choice away. They usually shutup after that. That is definitely a perk to Cancer. I would dare say one of the few, I can think of two others, but its hard to see the pros of such a heavy con.

...I think *I* did a comic

Comment by Elkian (not verified) Mon, 06/28/2010 - 20:28

...I think *I* did a comic based off of this! Without realizing...wow that's weird.

ENTIRE COMIC

Comment by Dr. Sakuya, PhD (not verified) Sun, 07/11/2010 - 16:59

IS BABIES

I know how you feel.

Comment by Jen (not verified) Mon, 04/25/2011 - 07:48

I'm the youngest of 3 girls, but right now it seems that I'll be my parents' only hope of grandkids. My oldest sister is 27 and showing no interest in settling down, and my other sister is 19 and we suspect her of being asexual. So I'm already getting the marriage-and-kids song and dance, and I'm barely 18.

See, for me it's my grandmother...sorta.

Comment by HaruMei (not verified) Wed, 06/08/2011 - 21:30

Despite being the eldest of three, I'm kinda the 'baby' of the family--both of my younger siblings (14 and 17 respectively) disregard any possibility of my ever having children, and would be highly shocked if I brought home a significant other (I've never dated) and my brother [14] has been issuing preemptive death threats against any hypothetical boy who might ask me out for years--he also chastises his friends for swearing in front of me. My mother claims that she knows that three was the correct number of children for her because she no longer feels any desire to hold/coddle/mother children at all, which neatly lets me out. Daddy is in the same camp as the rest of my family: mildly traumatized at the notion of my reproducing EVER. ('what? No. No. You are not that old.') My brother is still the worst, though.

Then there's my grandma, who is convinced that really I should spend less time studying and more time out partying so as to meet boys. I'm not kidding, she said that I needed to NOT STUDY and go out and DRINK AND PARTY.

XD babies

Comment by A.R.P. (not verified) Sun, 06/19/2011 - 14:29

I'm never having children myself. After 10+ years of stating that I do not like babies or any of their later stages in life, my grandmother has finally accepted my choice to remain childfree(I happen to be 20).
She's even supporting me going through the sterilization procedure!
In my state you can get sterilized when you turn 21, so I'm getting a head start on the very long process to shut down the baby factory before it even goes into production. =D

You are soooooo not alone.

Comment by Lyndse (not verified) Wed, 08/03/2011 - 23:30

Here's a link to Scott Meyer's really recent comic about explaining why you've chosen not to have kids: http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2011/7/26/how-to-explain...

I don't know for sure whether you want to have children or not, but the comments on this comic (as well as a lot of the ones on this comic) definitely let you know you're not alone. I literally got into an argument with my grandmother on my dad's side when I said at Easter dinner one year that I had no plans to ever have children! She couldn't believe it, like it was simply unthinkable. Like I was a failure as a woman if I didn't have kids. (This is the same woman that mentioned pregnancy as soon as she got wind of my first period.)

Anyway, whether you have kids or not is nobody's business but your own, and everyone (including your mom) needs to butt out. :3

Related guilt trip

Comment by Jason (not verified) Tue, 07/09/2013 - 15:16

Woo! Archive dive! I'll be 30 soon, and I've never even had a girlfriend, so I sometimes get the "When will you get a girlfriend?" question. I know it's mosty just teasing me for being so shy, but there is an edge of guilt trip, too. I don't think I ever want kids. This sentiment has not changed, though it might eventually...some day...not counting on it. That doesn't preclude a relationship. That's more because the idea of intimacy intimidates me.

Hopefully the accusatory glances have gotten less intense for you two, Aido and Ananth, now that it's four years later. Or failing that, that you have developed a better immunity to them. :)
Congrats on sixish years together.