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Chivalry is what

Chivalry is what

Tue, 02/23/2010 - 15:51 by Ananth in response to chivalry i guess

I always offer to carry things for Yuko, but if she wants to carry it on her own, I don't argue! I think a part of chivalry ought to be that you actually listen to a lady. But it's gotten me no end of advice on how to treat a lady from the guys on the block and in the neighborhood, and so I'm trapped between Yuko and street wisdom. Actually, I was surprised - some of the things these guys have said has been remarkably old-fashioned, which in its own way is a little charming. One day I'm going to sit down with one of these guys so I can get the the full chivalry manual.

It's again a busy week! I've been designing t-shirts for Applegeeks and doing a lot of research and prep for the Johnny Wander book (lots of organizing etc. to do), and Yuko's chugging away on thumbnails for the graphic novel we're working on with Oni Press. It goes! See you Thursday, guys!

Comments

Chivalry Lives

Comment by Istra (not verified) Fri, 02/26/2010 - 01:27

And it is my brother.

I've thought about this debate a lot. I have deep issues with women being treated as less-than-equals, or differently-equaled, and I have seen some really ugly things.

What has made me desire to be treated with chivalry, is my brother, Peter. Although he is my younger brother by 7 years, he has somehow grown up (WAY up to 6' 6"!), and has naturally grown into treating me with chivalry. I love it.

Peter opens all doors for me, car or otherwise. He's very subtle in getting there first and opening it without me realizing what he's doing. He always walks between me and the road or other hazards. I usually find my hands mysteriously empty when we walk together, unless he's already hauling more than his fair share. He has never laughed at my phobia of bees, or teased me when I asked him to kill a spider or other creepy-crawly. (I can kill those myself, although if I can get out of it, I will!)

But when other people would do those kind of things for me, sometimes the way they offered or undertook the task would make me angry. I finally realized the difference: honor. Peter isn't doing those things for me because I "need" him too, or am "weaker" than him. Instead, he delights to serve me in these ways because I am so valuable to him.

I struggle with my self-image, but when I'm with my brother I know that I am valuable and wonderful because of the way he treats me. Not only with acts of chivalry, but the way we'll stand in a hallway and just talk for an hour, or whistle Zelda tunes in harmony until somebody comes and says "WHAT are you whistling?" (One of our many epic adventures.)

I think "honor" is what chivalry - TRUE chivalry - ought to come down to. Not a set of condescending rules, but acts of service that come from a heart of honor and respect. <3

P.S. Yes, I do have the best brother in the world. :p

I feel for Yuko

Comment by Cat (not verified) Fri, 02/26/2010 - 02:56

I was raised by a single mother, and though I have two older brothers who are all for chivalry, I've always liked to do things myself.

Once had a boyfriend who was all for taking care of me (mind you, we were in high school), so one day we were off somewhere and I opened the car door myself. Realizing what I'd just done, I closed it for him so he could open it. He just looked at me, shook his head, and went to get in on his side. After that I had to remind myself to 'let him have his way' so he won't look bad in front of my brothers...

Um...beats Yuko getting

Comment by Pheonee (not verified) Fri, 02/26/2010 - 03:12

Um...beats Yuko getting mistaken for a guy again?

IMO, you're doing fine as far as chivalry is concerned. If I ever date a guy, I'd probably say something along the lines of "offer to be a gentleman if you want to, but don't press the matter".

The way I see it: an offer means he's being kind; forced chivalry means he sees you as physically incapable (at least to an extent).

Actions speak louder than

Comment by Adam Olsen (not verified) Fri, 02/26/2010 - 07:37

Actions speak louder than words. The intent may just be to help someone out and be nice to them, but because it's done preferentially for women it creates a bias and stereotype that women are weak. You can't have it both ways!

You don't see guys going to bars and leaving their wallets home because people will offer to help them. Well it *might* happen at a gay bar, I dunno. If a straight guy tried that it'd seem pretty moochy, but it's okay for a woman? Try to guess why...

Heehee

Comment by Nelson (not verified) Sat, 02/27/2010 - 04:13

I sort of do this with my boyfriend too. Normally I'm fine with people holding doors, offering to carry things, etc. It's polite to assist people who could use it.

But my boyfriend doesn't do it for -anyone- but women, and has admitted that it's because "you're supposed to do that stuff for girls."

Which is slightly annoying. If you're going to be polite, be polite to -everyone-, not just females.

I get odd looks from people because I am a small girl and I hold doors open for people, help people carry stuff, etc. I just shrug the looks off.

Ananth's jacket

Comment by Asher (not verified) Mon, 03/01/2010 - 08:16

What kind of coat is that, and where can I get it?

Is Chivalry Dead?

Comment by Koru Paua (not verified) Thu, 03/18/2010 - 12:45

Obviously not... But steelsings where we had a long thread on this issue is.

however, the "men walking on

Comment by Annie (not verified) Sat, 05/08/2010 - 22:19

however, the "men walking on the street side" rule is quiet helpful when the girl tends to walk into traffic when tired. My life was saved 5 times by a chivalric friend my first night in Scottland XD. Also Yuko is cute when glaring

Heheh

Comment by MoreKilmer (not verified) Sat, 01/22/2011 - 18:45

I just take it as a politeness thing. Half of my job involves holding doors open for guests, so that's just become a habit. I've gotten glared at for holding doors open for people before. Apparently, if you are a tiny, sixteen year old girl, you shouldn't do that kind of stuff for large, adult men. I don't understand these things.

Chivalry is...

Comment by Baron Raibert (not verified) Sun, 03/11/2012 - 00:32

Chivalry is offering to carry the bag, open the door or helping with their coat....and listening to their wishes in such matters.

So I think you got it right.

SBKT posted
"Yuko seems intimidating here. But if those photos advertising the shirts do include her, then she's jelly-cute."

A agree about the cute part, but dangerous things come is small packages. So standing back when she is about to blow might be good advice. (Only a guess because I have never met this talented lady.)