Racism turned on its head? Oh that poor poor clerk

So... you didn't get arrested? Lucky you got someone who didn't call you out, man.

Dear John,

I have had this rash, you see, right on my left pinky toe, and I can't seem to figure out what it is. Do you know?

Sincerely,
Pinky on the Brain

I think the Dear John advice column is genius. He would so give the best advice!

Dear John

My romantic life is, to my disappointment, fairly empty. I can talk to girls, but whenever I do, we become "just friends". I don't know how to do this whole flirting thing! What do I do? Any advice would be appreciated.

In All Sincerity
Ladyless Lou

bartleby the scrivener was based on a cat

I vote yes. Sounds entertaining to read, even if I don't have anything to submit.

The dear John section is a good idea, I can't wait to see the answers he gives.

also great joke you pulled, the guy's face is hilarious.

I used to have a long beard without the mustache that made me look like an Amish dude. Friends and strangers used to come up to me to ask if I was a terrorist. I told them the truth: "If I'm a terrorist, you'll be the first one to know."

More than a few people went running off screaming.

Dear John,

Have you always been tall? Even as a young!John?

Hard interest in an Ask John column.

Such.
Hard.
Interest.

Ohhh, I can't wait to see what questions and answers will end up in the book. :D
In any case, thanks for letting us know (I had NO clue) that Scrivener was coming to windows, too. :) Until I have the cash to switch to Mac, I'm stuck, but I really liked the program so...

Ah, anyhow, as always. Johnny Wander is so much love. Please keep it up guys~!! <3

Also also, mucho good luck with your book project~!!! :)

Did Yuko get a lovely dress while the salesman was sweating?

My questions would mainly be 'marry me', but yes. That would probably prompt me to buy the second book. XD Also, is he behind the name of the comic? Was it inspired by Johnisms?

I would definitely recommend an Ask John column thingermajinger. I would love to have John's brain and my questions do fisticuffs and see the results. Hilarity (or serious-ocity, depending on the question) would surely ensue.

Why yes, I would love for John to help me with my problems <3

pleeeeease do an ask john column!

I tested the beta as part of Nanowrimo and I liked it well enough, but the conversion from Scrivener to other files (like rtf) left something to be desired, which was a problem for me when I wanted to compile text for online posting, personal ebook generation, stuff like that.

But it's still really good as a tool, and maybe when they have a few more months behind them I'll use them for my next novella.

I'm curious what kind of project this will be... I really enjoy the slice of life stuff you guys do but is this going to be modern-day or something really different?

This Scrivener program is really interesting. The layout it uses makes it look like an iTunes for writing.

An ask John part of the JW v2 book sounds like the best idea. The book you two are working on is it a personal project or a commission? I know with your work sometimes is can be difficult finding time for personal work, especially when you're brilliant and awesome.

Maybe you could get John a Formspring?

Please give John even more of a voice in that book.

I love quoting his John-isms and I would love his advice.

Dear John,

I have a boyfriend I hope to be engaged and then married to one day. It's been two years since we've started dating. No questions have been "popped." I'm pretty impatient.What do you suggest I do in the meantime?

/sigh yours truly,
whatahootowl

OMG ANANTH
THAT IS SO MEEEEEEAN OMG

(butit'sfunny)

Dear John,

Next week I was thinking about taking my girl out for a spaghetti dinner, have the place and stuff all planned out, but I'm worried. Are spaghetti dinners too old-fashioned these days? How could I make it a success in times like these? Or any general advice for taking someone out for dinner?

Love your column, thanks for writing it.

Sincerely,
"Spaghetti Dinner" Steven.

"Ask John advice column"
that is the best idea ever oh my goodness
just
just let me catch my breath here

YES! ^_^

A 'dear John'-advice column would be awesome. It would be much, much better than a "Dear John"-letter column, where we write in faux break-up letters to John.

Or, would it?

No, no. Definitely no.

Dear John,

Ok, this isn't really for me or anyone I know, but there was recently an advice column that was totally made of fail:
http://www.gastongazette.com/news/daughter-55532-year-old.html

The tl;dr of it is a concerned father states that his 19-year-old daughter is dating a young man who doesn't drink or party and has a set plan for his life, but he tends to put her down a lot in front of other people (apparently the dude's father did this to the dude's mother). The advice columnist tells the worried parent that this guy is a keeper despite his "annoying habit" (of being potentially verbally/emotionally abusive) because it's not likely the daughter will find "another boy her age who has a coherent plan for the future (as opposed to 'I plan on winning "American Idol" and then replacing Jon Bon Jovi as lead singer of Bon Jovi.'"

So yeah. John, what would you tell this worried parent (and/or the columnist who somehow thinks that Bon Jovi is current pop music and that good dudes are hard to find so it's best to settle down for one even if he is potentially emotionally abusive)?

What's wrong with video games and dudes who dream? I'd personally rather date a creative "slacker" who was emotionally supportive than some financially-stable guy who was a complete asshole.

- archiValerie (part archivist, part arch-villain)

Deadpan Ananth is awesome.

Ananth, I can totally see you doing this.

Also, I found your comic, go me. :)

I'm pretty sure Ananth is his sexiest when he's dead pan.
Or at least Yuko draws him that way.

Dear John,

What's your earliest memory of Yuko and Ananth?

Sincerely,
Sven

I would absolutely love for there to be a Dear John advice column available for all!! That is a stellar idea.

Dear John

The wild stray dogs bark early in the morning as the chickens bask in the rising morning glow. You are in Subic Bay. You wake up in a well kept room by the beach that still seems to go in and out of a blur as your ringing headache kicks your head into a jarring frenzy. While you try to get your senses in order you notice someone under the sheets next to you. You decide to take a peek. A Philippine Eagle awakes and stares at you with VICIOUS INTENT.
WHAT DO YOU DO?!

Let me get this straight, you are proposing that John respond to whiny people asking for advice from a stranger because they either have no one else to ask or have run out of tolerant friends? This couldn't POSSIBLY go wrong! Or rather, it will certainly go wrong but in the most entertaining way possible. And then there's the delightful play on the social concept of the Dear John letter. I endorse this idea fully, regardless of whether it makes more sense than Ask a Lobster or not.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaaaaaahahahahaaaaaa! Oooh that desk guy had it coming!

Also-
A Dear John advice column sounds, at the very least, endlessly entertaining. Go for it!

the bowling ball candles took me a minute... Hah! that's good! Ask John if there was really ever any bombs shaped like that?