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Tue, 12/09/2008 - 03:44 by Ananth in response to he only likes fake coffee

Coffee is one of those grown-up things I never acquired a taste for. I like tea, and hot chocolate, and chai, and if you put a super sweet Starbucks coffee in front of me there's a 50/50 chance I'll like it, but when it comes to real, manly, black coffee, I have to bow my head to Yuko. She and her roommates like their coffee hard (well, compared to me) ... Yuko drinks hers with milk and a little bit of sugar, John puts in a lot of sugar and some chocolate syrup, and Conrad just drinks it black. There's a hierarchy there, and Conrad is at the top and I am at the bottom. Coffee is just too bitter for me ... but it smells great. I love standing in the aisle at the grocery store so I can inhale, and the smell of fresh coffee in the morning is something I'm pretty fond of. I just can't abide drinking it ... Yuko has tried and tried again, but the reality is that if the coffee is even a little strong, my face scrunches up in distaste. If it's especially strong I'll get a headache, which is kind of strange. My lame lineup up of palatable coffee or coffee-styled products from Starbucks: 

Vanilla Frappucino
Iced Chai Latte
Caramel Machiatto

That's pretty much it. When winter rolls around I drink hot chocolate when everyone else has tea. We recently bought a bottle of hazelnut syrup, which tastes so good in the hot chocolate. In fact, I think I'll go make some now ... 


It's true,

Comment by Shell (not verified) Thu, 12/11/2008 - 14:25

My mom is crazy.

coffee = DOOM

Comment by Old Man (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 17:24

I know the feeling, the smell of fresh coffee is truly one of the small things in life I enjoy, but one sip and three hours later and it feels like I burned a hole through my side. Haven't had a cup in probably six plus years but I do enjoy the occasional cold green tea here and there.

Best served raw

Comment by Brewington (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 18:36

I've been drinking coffee since i was four, I dont know about it making me shorter since I'm only an inch shy of my dad.
This summer I went almost three months without coffee while at boot camp, and when I found it in a MRE I ate the grounds straight. And even after three months sin cafe, i was still too tolerant to get anything from the caffeine.

One more for the coffee wusses, I mean tea drinkers...

Comment by DJScythe (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 18:50

Same here, can't stand coffee, but I love a well brewed cup of tea.

Damn, now I want some tea... (>.<);

T No Go

Comment by aXcel (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 19:58

Screw tea! I want a frap! Too bad the freakin' small town I live in doesn't have a Starbucks x 3x


Comment by Feuer Faust (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 13:57

Are you sure its possible not to have a Starbucks somewhere?


Comment by aXcel (not verified) Sat, 12/13/2008 - 14:47

Sadly, yeah. I guess that happens when you live in the Middle-of-nowhere, KY :/

Starbucks is too expensive

Comment by Brian (not verified) Sat, 12/13/2008 - 15:55

Starbucks is too expensive for me...
Besides, ya gotta support the small town locally owned coffee shops as well! Go find one! Give them your business!
They will love you forever if you make yourself a regular.

Too true

Comment by Lancer2010 (not verified) Sun, 12/21/2008 - 23:40

Yeah, I live in a small town with no Starbucks, but with two Tim Horton's, and one other small coffee shop. I like to support the small shop for a few reasons:

1) I just graduated from a Small Business program at college
2) Where I work it too far for me to get to Tim Horton's on my breaks
3) I worked at one of the Tim Horton's for about 2 years and don't really wanna go back any time soon.

On the note of coffee though, I'm not a huge drinker myself, and I take mine with 2 milk and 2 sweetners. I like a couple of cups when I'm eating breakfast at a restaurant, or having a nice dessert after a big meal.

Any other time I'll go with Pepsi for caffiene, or a hot chocolate.


Comment by Marky Mark (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 19:05

Ananth, you're awesome. I dont' really liek cofee either.

Besides, coffee stunts your growth. That's the real reason why Yuko is so small!

Grown-up misconseptions

Comment by aXcel (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 19:54

When I was younger, I always thought that coffee was that strange smelling, magical liquid that connected all adults together. I thought that they all loved coffee. So, in my "Acting older" phase, I tried coffee, didn't like it plain (ick!) But once I tried Starbucks Vanilla Frapachino(sp?) I felt like I was in heaven! To this day (16, 17 in a month) I absolutely love Starbucks Fraps!

Grown-up misconseptions part deux

Comment by aXcel (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 20:02

My mom often wonders where I got my affinity (if you can even call it that) for coffee. Whenever I finally convince her to try at least a sip of my Vanilla/hazelnut/mocha, whatever I have at the time, frap, she shakes her head in disgust and asks "How can you drink that stuff?"

The poop scoop.

Comment by MX (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 20:52

I've never been able to drink it after seeing something on animal planet.
This animal called a Luwak eats the coffee cherries, there's some digestion involved, and the end product is the beans from the eaten cherry that's used to make the coffee.

I know it was only that one kind of coffee, but I've never been able to look at a pot of the stuff the same way.

Coffee is a strange creature...

Comment by MegzHartie (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 21:18

I will admit that I also hate the taste of hot black coffee and also find the smell to be the best things to smell in the morning or at night (especially during Midterm and Finals weeks @_@); but for some reason I can drink it cold. The same thing with tea.

I don't know how I feel about the Vanilla Frappucino but I LOVE the Mocha Frappucino. It's like ice cold chocolate milk with coffee ice cream mixed in. So GOOD! I also prefer iced lemon tea over having it hot. My college friends always try to get me to drink different hot teas cause they say "The only difference is temperature, silly.". They LIE! Hot is only good for Hot Chocolate!

Just a suggestion

Comment by Nick (not verified) Tue, 12/09/2008 - 23:06

Try adding whiskey. Can't stand coffee normally, but whiskey makes everything better. An old friend of mine prefers peppermint schnapps. That's not bad either.

Hah. I've been drinking my

Comment by Halconnen (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 02:43


I've been drinking my coffee black and relatively strong for four years counting now. (And I'm 20.)

I think it started when I was quite young, and drank a mild coffee with lots of milk and sugar inside ages ago. Which was tasty to me at the time.

Now I pretty much can't drink a coffee not-black. Mind, I still only drink coffee very rarely, and am not really a too big friend of the taste, but it does it's job.

Funnily enough, I hate almost all forms of tea with a passion.

Someone fucked up my taste buds, I think.


Comment by OrcishIncubus (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 04:15


My favorite coffee drink from Starbucks. It's extra sweet, and it's a cold coffee so it's good for the summer time, I still drink it during the winter cause I love it.

Mocha BK Joe is also pretty good... it's still coffee, but it's really sweet and iced...

Also, techie question, is there going to be forums for Johnny Wander? cause I remember when there was a shoutbox on the AG comic, people started posing as other people because there is no password for it (like there is none for this...) just curious...

Oh, but..!

Comment by AppleGreen (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 09:30

Oh, but coffee is nice! I love coffee! And I don't mean american watery-coffee, I mean espressoooh! :D <3
But I love tea too! A coffee a day, couple of teas, good to go!
I used to have a coffee in the morning and a coffee in the evening. Then I realised that hat was the reason why I couldn't really sleep at night...

Sent Crack

Comment by Hollywood Car Crash (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 14:56

The smell of coffee is so strong I swear when I walk down that isle of the super-market I'll stay wide awake for the rest of the day. Can't drink the stuff though, too bitter. I can stomach a cup of Starbucks caramel frappuccino with whipped cream but even that leaves me feeling ill after a few sips. *bows to Conrad* I don't know how you do it man, and I don't want to really find out! You must have an iron stomach! XD


Comment by D r 3 w (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 15:26

Looks like the Black-Coffee-Drinkers are seriously outnumbered... but that's ok... we can totally just ward off everyone else with our incredibly strong mugs of coffee. Bwahahaha... like Moses parting the red sea...

I'm really not picky. Coffee, tea, hot chocolate.... If it's put in front of me, I'll drink it. There are only two exceptions: Coffee with stuff in it (I hate the taste of coffee+milk+sugar), and regular 'ol southern sweet tea (which sucks, because I live in the redneck part of South Carolina... most places don't even HAVE unsweet tea...).

Ok, anyone ever eaten Chocolate-covered coffee beans? Those things taste like... God. I could totally eat my weight in them.

 Ohhh man, I'll concede

Comment by Ananth Wed, 12/10/2008 - 18:55

 Ohhh man, I'll concede that - chocolate-covered coffee beans are real good. I get a headache from those really quickly, but man ... 

I'm not allowed to have

Comment by LG (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 17:35

I'm not allowed to have coffee anymore. >.>
Ever since I drank 45 cups in one day.

How did you...

Comment by Bryce (not verified) Thu, 12/11/2008 - 00:30

Manage to SURVIVE drinking 45 cups of coffee? Did you feel sick at all afterword?

Oh god yeah. It felt like my

Comment by LG (not verified) Thu, 12/11/2008 - 03:23

Oh god yeah. It felt like my stomach was trying to kill me.

Coffe Is Gross

Comment by Armaina (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 17:39

I really, really do not like coffee at all. Not even the sweet stuff, it's that awful coffee aftertaste that I can't stand at all.

I <3 Chai.
(Hot chocolate is also awesome)

I am not much of a hot

Comment by Michael (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 18:38

I am not much of a hot drink...drinker. Coffee, tea, hot chocolate... NOOO THANK YOU I"LL TAKE MY STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM FRAPPACHINO JUST FINE

I know how you feel..... T_T

Comment by Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 12/10/2008 - 21:35

A few of my friends and family also enjoy the taste of stronger coffee while I myself am the one who drinks the super sweet kind a.k.a. wimp coffee. So sad.

other sweeties

Comment by T-rahgo (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2008 - 04:40

yeah if you want sweet from starbucks the white chocolate mocha and a caramel machiatto with hazelnut added is great. both are reeeeal sweet and taste like hot chocolate to me. no homo

Coffee is one of those

Comment by Amanda (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2008 - 08:28

Coffee is one of those things that my older sister keeps trying to get me to drink...I just don't like the the stuff WAY to bitter. The first/last cup of coffee i has was so loaded with sugar and cream when it was done there was a sludge on the bottom of the cup. I do like tea and hot coco (I always but a scoop of icecream in my coco).

ever since i found out about

Comment by D (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2008 - 15:20

ever since i found out about caffeine pills i've thrown all coffee/energy drinks out the window, well not literally. and as far as brewed beverages go i'd have to say spiced cider is my favorite.

I feel the same way about

Comment by Cass (not verified) Sat, 12/13/2008 - 00:00

I feel the same way about the smell of coffee. It tastes awful but smells soooo good. I am the same in regards to wine, particularly red; the better it smells the worse it tastes.

I'm with ya on that

Comment by elorg (not verified) Tue, 12/16/2008 - 10:45

I've never been much of a coffee drinker myself - but the smell IS pretty intoxicating. I like to go hang out at coffee shops so I can smell the coffee beans, but then order hot chocolates (all year round). That got me a talkin' to by the owner of one of my regular shops one day.

"This... is a COFFEE shop. So, you know, you might want to try ordering COFFEE once in a while...!!"

So I tried a few different types. I tried cappuccinos. They taste funny. Lattes aren't actually bad (esp. if you add a little sugar). Even better - breve lattes. They're 2/3 half+half! *YUM* And the best? Mocha breve latte ^___^

You should give a cafe mocha / mocha a try at Starbucks or your favorite coffee shop. They're pretty tolerable as far as coffee products go.

Oh cafe mochas...

Comment by Lancer2010 (not verified) Sun, 12/21/2008 - 23:48

I hate cafe mochas, simply because I had to make them soooo often come winter time.

The process at Tim Horton's for making a cafe mocha is as follows:

1) Run to nearest hot chocolate machine and fill cup half way with hot chocolate
2) Run back to your station and fill cup rest of way with coffee
3) Run to nearest fridge, grab whipped topping and chocolate shavings and add them
4) Lid and hand out to customer

Sounds easy, except when you have to dodge roughly 6 or 7 co-workers while carrying a hot beverage, and then trying to find the whipped topping/sprinkles because somebody didn't put them back...

I don't miss my old job.


Comment by Sigrid (not verified) Wed, 12/17/2008 - 15:28

Conrad learned to drink coffee straight up at his mother's did I!

general reply

Comment by mr. wright (not verified) Tue, 12/30/2008 - 02:51

first i recently like coffee (about a year), can't stand tea (all taste watery or gross but might be drinking it wrong so havent given up), like hot chocolate, love hot cider (so awesome), and that guy that drank 45!! cups of coffee in a day might want to watch his healh from now on.


Comment by mr. wright (not verified) Tue, 12/30/2008 - 02:56

Also there's a reason it's the not the “flying teapot”. It just sounds weak!

Yay coffee! ^^

Comment by Cal Gore (not verified) Sat, 01/03/2009 - 01:21

ohhh! I love chai lattes! (never tried it iced yet...) there the greatest its usually what I always get but I do love a good coffee now and then but only black... maybe with lots of sugar but that's rare also yummy... I got an espresso maker for Christmas and drink espresso's like everyday sence Christmas and apparently i can make chai lattes with it there okay... but i need to perfect the method of making it... also it needed chai tea to make it so i got to try it and its the only tea I've ever liked ^^

I know this is a...

Comment by Zan (not verified) Wed, 01/07/2009 - 17:27

late response but as much as I dig tea, chai and hot coco.... I do have a small spot in my heart for coffee but i'm SUPER picky about what it is. I prefer Folgers but I can manage to stomach one or two different coffees from Caribou Coffee.

Yeah, I said it.. Caribou Coffee, not Starbucks. I mean, yeah.. they have some nice stuff but I prefer Caribou.

Besides, nothing like walking into a Caribou Coffee on a cold winter night and getting a Hot Apple Blast (nommers!!).

Too Bad

Comment by Mishi (not verified) Wed, 01/14/2009 - 15:25

I myself cannot take coffee black either, but it is too bad you guys don't have Tully's Coffee where you are. It's a westcoast thing. I was always fond of coffee drinks when they were really sugary, but once I had Tully's, I understood why people would said halfway around the world for the stuff back in the day. The coffee itself is gorgeous to drink. ^__^


Comment by Mishi (not verified) Wed, 01/14/2009 - 15:30

So c l e a r l y what I mean by "said" is "sail". *internet suicide*

Starbucks coffee == fail

Comment by SecretAsianMan (not verified) Tue, 04/28/2009 - 16:33

Coffee that you get at most 'coffee' places is burnt crap, and that's why you don't like it. 'French Roast' is code for 'we burnt the shit out of it'. When you see the beans sticking to the side of the bean hopper, that's bad. Roasted coffee slowly seeps oil (the stuff that gives it its flavour), and when beans are stuck to the side of the hopper, it means that it hasn't been cleaned. Coffee oil goes bad, same as any other oil.

So to sum up, Starbucks coffee is burnt, rancid and dirty. Of course you don't like it. Unless you have a serious caffeine addiction, a black coffee from Starbucks or anyplace like it is like drinking a cup of burnt wood. :/

Find a small cafe that does its own roasting. You can get coffee that has an aftertaste of blueberries. You can get coffee that has a citrus flavour to it. You can get coffee that tastes a bit like chocolate, or almonds or any one of zillions of delightful things. It doesn't have to be expensive, either. I drink fresh roasted coffee from a place where the people love coffee, and it's CHEAPER than Starbucks.

I used to hate coffee too. Now I drink a cup or two a day just to TASTE it. :)

how to drink coffe

Comment by hostergaard (not verified) Fri, 05/08/2009 - 09:23

just put a lot of hony in and then some milk!

White chocolate mocha hot or

Comment by Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 06/11/2009 - 06:38

White chocolate mocha hot or cold... corporate coffee is my guilty pleasure... -.-

</3 coffee

Comment by JesseT77 (not verified) Tue, 06/16/2009 - 15:25

Like you, I can't drink coffee. Neither can I stand the taste, nor can I drink ANY hot beverage, really. Hot chocolate, tea, they just burn my mouth. My only hope is to wait for them to cool to about 120, and then guzzle them before they drop below 98 and get all clammy. D:

That of course doesn't help with Coffee, on account of it tasting nasty. DX

Oh man, I really thought I

Comment by Emi (not verified) Tue, 06/16/2009 - 21:24

Oh man, I really thought I was the only one! I hate coffee of any kind, but I'd be perfectly content to spend the rest of my life smelling it. I've tried so hard to like it...

Best Drink

Comment by The_Third_One (not verified) Wed, 07/22/2009 - 01:33

Hot Chocolate + 2 shots of espresso. This drink is terrific anywhere but starbucks.

I am at the top.

Comment by bodum (not verified) Wed, 07/22/2009 - 02:07

I am at the top.

Coffee and Tea

Comment by RSJ (not verified) Fri, 11/20/2009 - 12:43

I did that once when a good friend of mine bought me a fruity, unsweetened green tea.
It's... it was like drinking cold wet leaf juice straight out of a storm drain. :O

Coffee, however, I've been drinking since I was a baby sitting at the kitchen table with my grandmother reading the Sunday paper. While I might not be able to drink it black, I do occasionally crave a taste.

That's how I am. Coffee,

Comment by Nutmegmeg (not verified) Thu, 01/21/2010 - 19:15

That's how I am. Coffee, though it smells amazing, never got along with my taste buds. Maybe one day...


Comment by Amred (not verified) Thu, 03/25/2010 - 23:14

I've gotten headaches from strong coffee, too! Really, any strong amount of caffeine makes my head hurt for a while. It also makes my pulse race. But I have a really low blood pressure and I've read that caffeine creates a short spike in blood pressure, so that may be the reason for the headaches for me.